Do Not Become One of THEM

UPDATE 1: After this post, I took a look at No Man's Sky and have had a change of heart regarding the game. It's actually quite a nice little game, and I... actually like the look and feel of it. Nevertheless, I'll leave this post up so you can see what my ramblings are like.

UPDATE 2 (8/12/2017): Well, now I've gone and bought the game one year later. Over the past year, I've maintained a detached and critical on the game and learned a bit more about its overhyped-ness and why it turned many off (mostly it's a lack of multiplayer, but the thing is I almost NEVER play multiplayer anyways), but I think the three updates over the past year have made it significantly more playable. Plus, I managed to get it on sale for under $25 so I won't have wasted quite as much if (and possibly when) I decide I don't like it, and I've been looking for a good space exploration game since Starbound 1.3 broke the mods I had installed and rendered it unplayable.

(If you want to see videos on said updates, check out Scott Manley's videos here.)

Now, here's my original post:

If you are a modern Internet-using human of the 21st century, you are right now almost certainly aware of two things:

1. Donald Trump is a moron who wants to nuke the world, yet nobody's doing anything to stop him
2. There's this game called No Man's Sky

The first one doesn't matter to me so much (mostly because politics are like sausage, in that it's best not to get into it unless it's your line of work), so let us discuss the second thing that's more pertinent to this blog. No Man's Sky is a game that promises to let players explore a realistically-scaled galaxy and harvest its contents. I am here to tell you that there is one reason not to play it: it is part of an insidious world domination ploy.

The perpetrators of this plot is an enigmatic agency that has no official name and denies its existence, so let's just refer to them as THEM. THEIR goal is to topple all existing governments and create a New World Order with THEMSELVES in charge in their places. THEY are believed to have existed for centuries, lurking in the shadows until the technology to allow THEM to achieve this goal is developed. Sadly, No Man's Sky is that technology.

Using subliminal messages hidden throughout the game, THEY intend to lull players of No Man's Sky into supporting THEIR cause, effectively becoming THEIR sleeper agents. When the time is just right, THEY will activate their sleeper agents and use them to cause enough chaos to seize control of the entire world.

Obviously, this is a bad thing. In fact, it's even worse than the dystopia that could follow Donald Trump's ascension (not that that'll happen IMHO). Thankfully, the way to avoid this is simple: do not play No Man's Sky. If you do not play it, then THEY cannot enslave you and use you to further THEIR insidious plot.

Thank you, that is all. Just remember: don't fall for THEIR tricks!

Also, just to be safe, don't mess with Fallen Empires, unless you like a highly-advanced
civilization that has existed for millennia wiping the floor with you with ringworlds
and tachyon lances.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, this page is a huge joke poking fun at the hype surrounding No Man's Sky as well as those darned conspiracy theorists who seriously believe that Obama/Queen Elizabeth/[insert world leader here] is a lizard in disguise attempting to seize power for their alien lizard overlords or that the moon landings never happened (the latter of which is definitely false, the former almost certainly false). In reality, I don't hate No Man's Sky as much as I think it's over-hyped, and personally I'm not all that interested in it. Sure, a realistic galaxy to explore with all sorts of animals and plants and planets is a very interesting idea, but there are other games that have done this to varying degrees; some of which I feel are superior. I might be pressured to try the game if I think it's interesting enough, but I probably won't cover it on this blog.
(Let's face it, once I had a similar opinion about Stellaris, but now it's easily one of my new favorite games!)
(You can almost certainly expect me to link THEM to Overwatch, though, 'cause that game is not only bizarre but also bizarrely over-hyped, exponentially so compared to No Man's Sky. Also, as far as I know, it has nothing to do with space). 

You Do Not Mess With the Spiked Shyster, the Spiked Shyster Messes with You

A few days ago, I decided to sit down and play a bit of my most favorite game: Spore. For those unaware, please feel free to read this paragraph. For those aware, feel free to skip this paragraph.

Spore is a rather old game (it was released on September 7, 2008) that has been pretty much abandoned by its developers since 2011, but continues to be fun and interesting as well as have a thriving community of fans (contrary to popular belief). In Spore, you evolve a lifeform from a single-celled microbe in the primordial soup to an interstellar alien race. There are many different ways to play it: you can be a tyrannical warlord or a peaceful trader. You explore a galaxy filled with beings, buildings, and vehicles other players have created, so it's a blend of singleplayer and multiplayer. The last (and only) major expansion pack was Spore Galactic Adventures, released in June 2009. It allows you to beam down onto planets and complete adventures made by players for fun and profit.

You see that striped orange cell? With the spikes? That's what I'm talking about.
(Not the big orange one in the background).

Now, onto the actual point of this post. As I was playing Spore the "old-fashioned" way, I began my journey in a crowded tidepool. Naturally, some of those little cells are going to be meaner than others, but I soon came across the meanest cell species of all: the Spiked Shyster. I can claim to be an expert on Spore, so I wasn't too surprised by seeing the Shyster and its ruthlessness. But that day, it dawned on me how ruthless the Spiked Shyster actually is.

It began with me minding my microscopic business, eating another cell called a Chomper that the Spiked Shyster attacked earlier. However, as I was eating the remains, another Spiked Shyster came into the area, noticed me, and chased me along with its friend. I outran them, eating meats to grow along the way. Eventually, I got bigger than them and turned to face them. But it doesn't end there, for the Shysters continued to injure me as I tried to eat them. Somehow, I did just that.

So, in conclusion, as you play Spore and meander the tidepool, remember this: You do not ████ the Spiked Shyster, the Spiked Shyster ████s you.